Today I went back to the Ortho office for my 6-month post-op appointment. I was hoping they'd give me some sort of % for how much I'm "fused" but they couldn't give me that number. When I search the spinal surgery boards online it seems that other patients know their % after their appointments, but perhaps they are using different equipment than my ortho office. Or maybe my team just doesn't want to put a number on it. When I asked she (the PA, who is great) simply said that they hope that I'll be fully fused after 2 years. I complained of some of my back pain and she said she'd be surprised if I still wasn't in pain, that it was still so soon after surgery. Six months doesn't feel so soon. But, apparently it is. My pain isn't all that unexpected, and it's something that I can handle---which isn't something I could say before my surgery. I mostly feel pain at the end of the day, if I'm doing a lot of bending (cleaning the house is a challenge), or if I'm having to sit for a long period of time (I still hate traveling).
I'm off of the "heavy" pain meds, I have been for awhile now. This may come to a surprise to some of you----yes, this is my actual personality. :-) The good news is that I can start taking ibuprofen again (I was told to avoid it for the first 6 months because anti-inflammatories slow down the fusion process). This should help with pain management.
I have been able to start exercising again. I can do the recumbent bike, elliptical (with stationary hand bars) water-walking, and the backstroke in the pool. I also got a "prescription" for physical therapy today---I'm hoping to get a few sessions in over the January-term before spring semester starts. I also know that that I need to lose weight. I imagine that losing weight alone can make my whole-self feel much better. Saying that I need to, knowing that I need to, is sooooo much easier than executing a plan.
This post seems a little robotic to me. But I guess that's just how I feel lately. It is what it is. :-) I'm still thankful that I had the surgery. The pain I experienced pre-surgery was unbearable and now I'm slowly but surely getting some of my favorite parts of life back.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
3 months post-op
On 8/28 I was officially 3 months post-op. I had my post-op appointment on 8/26, which I was looking forward to because I thought that things were going pretty well.
Unfortunately, on 8/24 I had a fall. A child of mine (may he rest in peace--just kidding...) spilled water on the floor without cleaning it up and I, in all of my barefoot wonder, slipped causing both feet to fly in the air and me to land pretty much directly on the fusion site, cutting my foot up on the way down. I was so devastated when that happened---three months of very hard work in recovery flashed before my eyes. Thankfully Michael was able to come home ASAP and my awesome neighbor saw my frustrated post on Facebook and showed up at my door. She asked if I was "okay" to which I sobbed "noooooooo". When Michael arrived he patched up my foot and my neighbor took me into acute care. My xrays did not show any damage to the rods and screws. I left with three new medications (another point of frustration, before the fall I was down to just using Tylenol during the day and a muscle relaxer at night).
The following Monday was my 3 month appointment. I was still so sore from the fall and was not walking well. Thankfully my surgeon agreed that the xrays showed no damage and that I had probably injured the weak muscles around it and "stirred up" the nerves.
The past two weeks then have been. Well. CRAP. To say the least. I started back at Loras full-time (which is awesome and a great distraction from my pain) but the changes in schedule coupled with the fall has left my right leg screaming at night. My muscle twitches all day long (I believe it's called fasciculations) and then at night, around 7 or 8 p.m. when I lay on my side to get some pressure off of my back for the first time of the day my legs start going into horrible spasms, particularly my right leg. Since this has happened I have tried a slew of natural remedies but my surgeon has increased my muscle relaxer dosage by 3x. What seems to help the most is a "sling" that I've fashioned for my foot that helps prevent it from "falling" into a pointed toe when I lie down. Pointed toes cause calf muscle to constrict which increases the likelihood that I will have a spasm. This helps some, but on the roughest and most exhausting of days it doesn't seem to have too much of an effect.
I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that I am EXHAUSTED of this. I have no regrets for having had the surgery, and I can feel my lower back getting stronger, but after two years of these challenges I feel mentally done. Some days I feel like I am the oldest youngest person I know. I am VERY grateful for friends and family who have found ways to spend time with me knowing my limitations in travel and activity, and my friends and family who have had patient and kind ears as I've gone through what has been the 2nd most difficult emotional and physical journey of my life (the first being the initial diagnostic phases of Noah's chromosome disorder....so a huge kudos to family and friends who have supported and stuck by me through both of these times :-).
I also thank God daily for my job. Teaching gives me a focus and energy in a way that nothing else can, I truly believe that I would be much worse off if the semester had not started. Even though there are many more demands on my body now, the mental lift is something that I desperately needed. I don't take for granted that I have a job that does this for me.
Another bonus is that since the the Great Kitchen Fall of 2013 the kids have been on high alert about cleaning up there messes from the floor. Our youngest boy spilled water the other day and started shouting "Emergency! Emergency!" and ran frantically around the house to find a towel. Similarly my daughter spilled the contents of her taco on the floor and would not let me enter the kitchen claiming "But you fall down, Mommy." So, at least it was a logical lesson learned by all :-)
I will post again after my 6-month post-op appointment in November.
Monday, July 15, 2013
First x-rays
I saw my surgeon today. I was hoping he would shout "Hallelujah it's a miracle! You are healed!". Well, that didn't happen. But there was no bad news either :-).
Today was my first look at my new titanium body parts. Rods in place with six screws. It was strange to see them, for some reason. But they looked good. They were set in place nicely. This was a "baseline" X-ray to track the fusion progress. I forgot to ask what % fused I was, so I'll ask gain at my next x-ray appointment which I think will be at my 3-month appointment.
The only disappointment I had was that he said we would talk about "weening" me off of a brace on August 26. I assumed at three months I would be done with my brace, the term "weening" makes me think it's not that simple. I start teaching that same week and I was hoping I would be teaching brace-free, but it doesn't look like it.
Today was my first look at my new titanium body parts. Rods in place with six screws. It was strange to see them, for some reason. But they looked good. They were set in place nicely. This was a "baseline" X-ray to track the fusion progress. I forgot to ask what % fused I was, so I'll ask gain at my next x-ray appointment which I think will be at my 3-month appointment.
The only disappointment I had was that he said we would talk about "weening" me off of a brace on August 26. I assumed at three months I would be done with my brace, the term "weening" makes me think it's not that simple. I start teaching that same week and I was hoping I would be teaching brace-free, but it doesn't look like it.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
End of Week 6
This week I have a more positive attitude. I think my progress is back on track again. Partly because naturally I should be getting better, and partly because I am listening more to my body. We had a busy Independence Day weekend. On the 3rd watched the awesome Air Show and Fireworks on the Mississippi River. My parents were in town for a few days and I was really glad that we got to spend some time together. On the 4th we went to the parade in Galena (will try another town next year...just didn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped...) but then on the 5th and 6th I pretty much laid low because I could tell that my back needed a break. The 6th was my birthday and I really wanted to go back to Galena to go "shopping" (probably would not have bought anything, but I love to window shop there) but I knew that it was just too much. So, I guess that's what I'm learning the most these days...that I can't do everything and so be it :-)
I've been doing more driving around town. Still can't imagine a trip longer than 20 minutes, but I am able to have some more independence. I took a week off of walking because of the muscle cramping but I'm back at it again. Right now I'm going out once a day for about 1.6 miles, after I get my xrays back on the 15th I may try to do that twice a day.
I started to take a calcium/magnesium supplement and changed my evening muscle relaxer and that seems to be keeping the muscle cramps at bay. I still have significant popping and twitching but I try to move or if Michael's home, he'll massage it for me. (Awwwww..... ;-)
I've been trying to gain more and more independence. The neighbor on the other side of us happens to be a chiro and saw me carrying a couple of grocery sacks yesterday. While I don't think he knows what type of surgery I had specifically (my brace makes it obvious that it was a spine surgery) he asked if I should be carrying the sacks. I said "No, but there's frozen stuff in here." His neighborly response? "That's what's important." Humph. Touche'. I don't even know him and was surprised by his license to administer sarcasm but really, he was right. I should have waited and had Michael carry stuff in. Sometimes it's so tough because you just want to get stuff done. BUT, like I said before...I can't do everything, so be it. Today I kept his sarcasm in my ear and let my house get messy beyond my comfort. I'm trying hard to have the kids help out and pick up after themselves, etc. but.....who cares. We're far from being candidates for the show "Hoarders".
So, for those of you who are reading this because you are also considering or will be having a spinal fusion, here's a summary of what I can/can't do at 6 weeks post op:
CAN'T:
Load/unload my dishwasher
Do the laundry
Vacuum
Sit longer than 30 minutes comfortably
Properly put something in my oven (I have a throw/slam method that I am sure is not safe...)
Use a dustpan
Put on my own socks/shoes
Use the bottom shelving of cupboards/refrigerator (unless I sit in a chair and then reach, sometimes that works)
Among a bunch of other things...those are just my thoughts on daily living.....
CAN:
Drive around town
Dress myself with the use of a long-armed grabbing tool
Shower
Wash dishes at the sink
Go on long walks
Shoot my children with a water gun from the chair on my deck (that's essential, right??)
Cook successfully on my stove top (though my children need to fetch me pots/pans from my lower cupboards)
Among a bunch of other things as well :-) That's just the jist.
My biggest advice to myself and to others at this point is to not set your expectations to high for yourself. Make them high enough that you can steadily progress, but not too high that you actually regress. Unfortunately trial and error seems to be the best way to figure that out.
I will blog after my appointment on the 15th. I hope they give me a picture of my rods/screws, I think that will help my case with the kids that I actually am Frankenmommy. After that, I will probably do an update at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and 12 months post-op. I can feel this blog is/should be winding down.
I've been doing more driving around town. Still can't imagine a trip longer than 20 minutes, but I am able to have some more independence. I took a week off of walking because of the muscle cramping but I'm back at it again. Right now I'm going out once a day for about 1.6 miles, after I get my xrays back on the 15th I may try to do that twice a day.
I started to take a calcium/magnesium supplement and changed my evening muscle relaxer and that seems to be keeping the muscle cramps at bay. I still have significant popping and twitching but I try to move or if Michael's home, he'll massage it for me. (Awwwww..... ;-)
I've been trying to gain more and more independence. The neighbor on the other side of us happens to be a chiro and saw me carrying a couple of grocery sacks yesterday. While I don't think he knows what type of surgery I had specifically (my brace makes it obvious that it was a spine surgery) he asked if I should be carrying the sacks. I said "No, but there's frozen stuff in here." His neighborly response? "That's what's important." Humph. Touche'. I don't even know him and was surprised by his license to administer sarcasm but really, he was right. I should have waited and had Michael carry stuff in. Sometimes it's so tough because you just want to get stuff done. BUT, like I said before...I can't do everything, so be it. Today I kept his sarcasm in my ear and let my house get messy beyond my comfort. I'm trying hard to have the kids help out and pick up after themselves, etc. but.....who cares. We're far from being candidates for the show "Hoarders".
So, for those of you who are reading this because you are also considering or will be having a spinal fusion, here's a summary of what I can/can't do at 6 weeks post op:
CAN'T:
Load/unload my dishwasher
Do the laundry
Vacuum
Sit longer than 30 minutes comfortably
Properly put something in my oven (I have a throw/slam method that I am sure is not safe...)
Use a dustpan
Put on my own socks/shoes
Use the bottom shelving of cupboards/refrigerator (unless I sit in a chair and then reach, sometimes that works)
Among a bunch of other things...those are just my thoughts on daily living.....
CAN:
Drive around town
Dress myself with the use of a long-armed grabbing tool
Shower
Wash dishes at the sink
Go on long walks
Shoot my children with a water gun from the chair on my deck (that's essential, right??)
Cook successfully on my stove top (though my children need to fetch me pots/pans from my lower cupboards)
Among a bunch of other things as well :-) That's just the jist.
My biggest advice to myself and to others at this point is to not set your expectations to high for yourself. Make them high enough that you can steadily progress, but not too high that you actually regress. Unfortunately trial and error seems to be the best way to figure that out.
I will blog after my appointment on the 15th. I hope they give me a picture of my rods/screws, I think that will help my case with the kids that I actually am Frankenmommy. After that, I will probably do an update at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and 12 months post-op. I can feel this blog is/should be winding down.
Monday, July 1, 2013
End of week 5
Recovery is slow. This is not a surprise. They literally took out my supportive structures in my spine and reconstructed me with titanium. So, of course it takes time. But my patience is thinning as I feel worse off today than a week ago. I have started driving occasionally around town so that's progress and I did sit through a movie on Saturday.
Sunday a.m. I woke up screaming bloody murder. On one hand I was embarrassed because I thought the neighbors could hear me. On the other hand they didn't hear me so I guess if we ever do have an intruder I should come up with a better plan than the use of my lungs. What happened was the mother of all muscle cramps. My nerves are no longer compressed but are pretty damaged, causing numbness, tingling, heat sensations, and the worst...muscle cramping. Michael rushed in and started massaging my leg which is the only thing that works to get it to stop. I fear when I am alone and he's at work what I will do. I can't bend to well to do it myself and the pain is so intense that my brain hardly can process what to do, other than scream. Unfortunately the aftermath of the spasm left me needing to use my walker the remainder of the day.
This morning I also woke up with some light bleeding. Michael says the incision is looking great so we can't figure out why/how. I get the rest of my stitches out on the third so perhaps the surgeon can enlighten us. I imagine some drainage must be normal. Hopefully it subsides ASAP.
This morning my leg was not well but tolerable. I was able to drive Noah and the kids to his tball for the first time. The chair I brought was horrible (I'm on a quest for a supportive lawn chair) so ended up switching between standing and sitting on the bleachers). It was fun to see Noah play. He's a cute kid.
So, I guess that's it for now. I hope my doctor has some solutions for the nerve issues.
Sunday a.m. I woke up screaming bloody murder. On one hand I was embarrassed because I thought the neighbors could hear me. On the other hand they didn't hear me so I guess if we ever do have an intruder I should come up with a better plan than the use of my lungs. What happened was the mother of all muscle cramps. My nerves are no longer compressed but are pretty damaged, causing numbness, tingling, heat sensations, and the worst...muscle cramping. Michael rushed in and started massaging my leg which is the only thing that works to get it to stop. I fear when I am alone and he's at work what I will do. I can't bend to well to do it myself and the pain is so intense that my brain hardly can process what to do, other than scream. Unfortunately the aftermath of the spasm left me needing to use my walker the remainder of the day.
This morning I also woke up with some light bleeding. Michael says the incision is looking great so we can't figure out why/how. I get the rest of my stitches out on the third so perhaps the surgeon can enlighten us. I imagine some drainage must be normal. Hopefully it subsides ASAP.
This morning my leg was not well but tolerable. I was able to drive Noah and the kids to his tball for the first time. The chair I brought was horrible (I'm on a quest for a supportive lawn chair) so ended up switching between standing and sitting on the bleachers). It was fun to see Noah play. He's a cute kid.
So, I guess that's it for now. I hope my doctor has some solutions for the nerve issues.
Monday, June 24, 2013
End of Week 4
This past week has been pretty good. But I have horrible cabin fever. I want to wear jeans and go without my back brace and go out to eat with my friends. I want to walk around Galena and make poor shopping choices.
The good news is that I can walk about a mile and a half in an hour. You can do the math on how slow that is, but I am proud of that progress.
At 4 weeks post-op my hot flashes are slowing down, my legs have small but semi-mighty muscle cramps, and a strange tightness and then shakiness to them. I haven't asked Dr. Google about it yet but I'm sure it has something to do with the healing nerves. Nerves Be Crazy. That's the title of my next album.
My incision infection seems to be healed and Stitches version 2.0 will come out on July 3rd.
I'm trying to find the confidence to drive. The recovery schedule says I can 4 weeks post op and I am off of the heaviest of pain meds. It's the twisting involved when you drive that has me worried. But I really want to go buy some tank-tops so I can wear my brace under my t-shirts (not sure if I mentioned that my surgeon gave me the blessing to take off the hard back of the brace so I have moved from being a turtle to simply being the heavy-weight champion of the world). Anyway I thought wearing the brace under a t-shirt and on top of a tank-top might be a nice change of pace.
I know I am doing great but this recovery process is longer than I originally imagined. I thought perhaps by today I would be able to drive to Des Moines to participate in a two-day meeting regarding some efforts in our state for Early Childhood. Boy, was I kidding myself. I can comfortably sit for about 20 minutes. I can walk way longer than I can sit. Which is why I spend the majority of my day horizontal. Watching Netflix.
Speaking of Netflix, I watched all 6 seasons of Private Practice in 4 weeks. That's a lot of screen time my friends. And almost every episode makes me cry so you can imagine how fun it was for Michael to come check on me in the past 4 weeks. Pure joy. He didn't regret "for better or worse" even once, I am sure.
Well, that's really all that's going on now.
The good news is that I can walk about a mile and a half in an hour. You can do the math on how slow that is, but I am proud of that progress.
At 4 weeks post-op my hot flashes are slowing down, my legs have small but semi-mighty muscle cramps, and a strange tightness and then shakiness to them. I haven't asked Dr. Google about it yet but I'm sure it has something to do with the healing nerves. Nerves Be Crazy. That's the title of my next album.
My incision infection seems to be healed and Stitches version 2.0 will come out on July 3rd.
I'm trying to find the confidence to drive. The recovery schedule says I can 4 weeks post op and I am off of the heaviest of pain meds. It's the twisting involved when you drive that has me worried. But I really want to go buy some tank-tops so I can wear my brace under my t-shirts (not sure if I mentioned that my surgeon gave me the blessing to take off the hard back of the brace so I have moved from being a turtle to simply being the heavy-weight champion of the world). Anyway I thought wearing the brace under a t-shirt and on top of a tank-top might be a nice change of pace.
I know I am doing great but this recovery process is longer than I originally imagined. I thought perhaps by today I would be able to drive to Des Moines to participate in a two-day meeting regarding some efforts in our state for Early Childhood. Boy, was I kidding myself. I can comfortably sit for about 20 minutes. I can walk way longer than I can sit. Which is why I spend the majority of my day horizontal. Watching Netflix.
Speaking of Netflix, I watched all 6 seasons of Private Practice in 4 weeks. That's a lot of screen time my friends. And almost every episode makes me cry so you can imagine how fun it was for Michael to come check on me in the past 4 weeks. Pure joy. He didn't regret "for better or worse" even once, I am sure.
Well, that's really all that's going on now.
Monday, June 17, 2013
End of Week 3: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
This past week of recovery has been marked with ups and downs (as, I guess, most weeks are :-). There is a huge difference in my mobility from last Monday to today. Huge. A week ago I was still bound to my walker. Today I am walker-free and cane-free 100% of the day. My left leg just started working for me overnight in the middle of last week and now has an almost-normal stride. My walking "gate" has gone from a shuffle, to a waddle, to now a nearly even stride. I'm still slow as molasses, but I'm okay with that because the difference in my mobility in just one week is between night and day and I'm very thankful for that.
The issues have been with itching, hot-flashes, and then my incision had problems as the cherry on top. After I got my staples out my incision went crazy with itching. I couldn't put anything on top of it because I had steri strips on top but I did find out that taking orignal formula Benedryl addressed the itching well. The Benedryl on top of my pain meds really zombied me out, but at least I wasn't going crazy with itching. Another issue I didn't expect was hot-flashes. I don't think I've written about this yet, but I had been having surges of hot-flashes that covered me in sweat followed by chills. I searched health boards and found it to be not uncommon for women to experience this after a major surgery. My surgeon confirmed today that the hotflashes are a normal recovery effect.
The most stressful has been my incision. On Friday night, in the middle of the night, I noticed that my incision started to drain. We are thankful for our awesome neighbors who took the kids for us for the morning and Michael took me into acute care. We found that it was draining and that the incision had opened up a bit. They gauzed me up and gave me a prescription for antibiotics for a possible infection. I returned to my surgeon today and he had to inject some numbing stuff into the incision and then stitch me up again. He had to cut away some of the scar tissue as well so tonight I'm left feeling sore. Thankfully the rest of the incision is healing well.
I've been in a bad mood all day so I'm thankful my mom is here to help me out with the kids and friends have been dropping food off at the house. I'm thankful for that....even when we have people staying with us it's hard to keep up with the kids, my needs for recovery, the house....it's all a bit overwhelming right now.
But the best news is that I'm walking so, so much better that I know I need to hold on to that awesome victory.
The issues have been with itching, hot-flashes, and then my incision had problems as the cherry on top. After I got my staples out my incision went crazy with itching. I couldn't put anything on top of it because I had steri strips on top but I did find out that taking orignal formula Benedryl addressed the itching well. The Benedryl on top of my pain meds really zombied me out, but at least I wasn't going crazy with itching. Another issue I didn't expect was hot-flashes. I don't think I've written about this yet, but I had been having surges of hot-flashes that covered me in sweat followed by chills. I searched health boards and found it to be not uncommon for women to experience this after a major surgery. My surgeon confirmed today that the hotflashes are a normal recovery effect.
The most stressful has been my incision. On Friday night, in the middle of the night, I noticed that my incision started to drain. We are thankful for our awesome neighbors who took the kids for us for the morning and Michael took me into acute care. We found that it was draining and that the incision had opened up a bit. They gauzed me up and gave me a prescription for antibiotics for a possible infection. I returned to my surgeon today and he had to inject some numbing stuff into the incision and then stitch me up again. He had to cut away some of the scar tissue as well so tonight I'm left feeling sore. Thankfully the rest of the incision is healing well.
I've been in a bad mood all day so I'm thankful my mom is here to help me out with the kids and friends have been dropping food off at the house. I'm thankful for that....even when we have people staying with us it's hard to keep up with the kids, my needs for recovery, the house....it's all a bit overwhelming right now.
But the best news is that I'm walking so, so much better that I know I need to hold on to that awesome victory.
Monday, June 10, 2013
End of Week 2 Update
I am at the end of Week 2. In the blogs and health boards I read prior to my surgery the theme seemed to be that the first two weeks were horrible and then it gets better, so I write this post optimistic for the coming weeks.
At the start of week 2 I am still walker-bound, though I can abandon the walker and walk freely or with a cane if my distance is only a few steps. Unfortunately using my walker is the only way to get my left leg to extend. While this worries me, my surgeon did not seemed worried. He didn't seem like he expected that either. Surgeons may be the #1 difficult persons to read. He said being only two weeks post op a major surgery makes for a lot of weakness and inflammation on the spinal cord.
I got my staples and sutures out today. The nurse said about 40 staples. I won't act like it was okay because it was horrible. It was one of those moments where I wished I was 12 and my mom was there to hold my hand. Michael was at work so I laid alone clutching the paper bed covering, staring at posters of spines that I was trying to momentarily forget, and thinking of how a Dairy Queen Blizzard was the one thing that could make this day get better again. Which my driver and friend was able to make a reality for me after the appointment. An oreo cheese quake blizzard can't replace Michael or my Mom, but it does have amazing healing effects (who says I am not for alternative medicine?)
The surgeon lifted the restriction that I can't sit for longer than 20 minutes, now I can sit (with my brace on) for as long as I am comfortable. This is good news because now I can spend more time with my family and less time alone in bed watching Netflix. I am now in Season 3of Private Practice for those interested in my T.V. addiction.
My hope for myself is that I by my next weekly update that I will be able to independently go up and down the steps outside of my house (they are large, uneven, and without a rail). That is the only thing keeping me from going on walks outside by myself.
That's all for now. It's not as positive as I would like, but I guess I don't always feel positive. I did not fall asleep even once during this post so I've got that going for me too :-)
See you next week :-)
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Contagious Encouragement
I've been trying to go on daily walks up and down my street in my walker. I know it's good for me and necessary for healing, but I feel self-conscious out there....with my walker, brace, old t-shirts, sweatpants, and slip-on Dr. Scholl slippers. One day there were just too many people out and about in the neighborhood that I turned around and went back in.
Yesterday I was out walking with Michael and a car drove by us, stopped, and then backed up. The driver, an older-than-me lady, exclaimed out her window "You are doing really great!!" I tried to mask my confusion because I didn't want to seem rude so I responded back with a "Thanks!" She then explained that she saw me out walking earlier in the week and she could tell I was getting better. I was able to get another "thanks" in before she drove off.
At first Michael and I laughed at the strange-to-us exchange. We do see Dubuque as a friendlier town than some places we've lived and we joked about this new example.
But I think this exchange is more valuable than a chuckle. I've been down on my progress and self-conscious when venturing outside but her words have stuck with me and have encouraged me. They've also taught me that when people drive by or peer out there window at me that they aren't thinking about how weird I am, they are probably thinking a). nothing about me, I can't be so selfish to think that I interrupt the thoughts of all people or b) there's a girl out walking and getting better for whatever reason.
Even more important to me than that micro-lesson is this idea that as members of a community we should find ways to be encouraging, even if for just a minute with a few small words...who knows how that may stick with someone when they need it. And we shouldn't only encourage those we love, but those we don't know as well. Communities change, they knit together when our arms and encouraging words extend beyond our property lines.
I'm grateful to that lady for that reminder.
Yesterday I was out walking with Michael and a car drove by us, stopped, and then backed up. The driver, an older-than-me lady, exclaimed out her window "You are doing really great!!" I tried to mask my confusion because I didn't want to seem rude so I responded back with a "Thanks!" She then explained that she saw me out walking earlier in the week and she could tell I was getting better. I was able to get another "thanks" in before she drove off.
At first Michael and I laughed at the strange-to-us exchange. We do see Dubuque as a friendlier town than some places we've lived and we joked about this new example.
But I think this exchange is more valuable than a chuckle. I've been down on my progress and self-conscious when venturing outside but her words have stuck with me and have encouraged me. They've also taught me that when people drive by or peer out there window at me that they aren't thinking about how weird I am, they are probably thinking a). nothing about me, I can't be so selfish to think that I interrupt the thoughts of all people or b) there's a girl out walking and getting better for whatever reason.
Even more important to me than that micro-lesson is this idea that as members of a community we should find ways to be encouraging, even if for just a minute with a few small words...who knows how that may stick with someone when they need it. And we shouldn't only encourage those we love, but those we don't know as well. Communities change, they knit together when our arms and encouraging words extend beyond our property lines.
I'm grateful to that lady for that reminder.
Monday, June 3, 2013
End of Week One
Tomorrow marks the beginning of week 2 and a shift in this blog. Instead of writing daily, I am going to write weekly. This will help me maintain my loyal readers (you two know who you are ;-) and I think in cases of surgeries this involved, progress is seen greater week by week rather than day by day. I may have a couple of topical posts in between, for example, my mom has requested that I write about the differences between a discectomy and a fusion as that typically either a choice or, as in my case, an inevitable progression, for many who suffer from degenerative disc disease.
So, a week ago I was tethered to a hospital bed with a morphine IV pain pump, catheter, and wound drain. I couldn't even move freely on my own, the nurses had to "log roll" me periodically throughout the night.
This is in contrast to today, where I am able to get myself out of bed with only moderate pain, move around my house with a walker, and go on a friend-assisted walk today outdoors. (Which is actually a "shuffle". People should not underestimate the hotness of my shuffle. Particularly when paired with my maximum comfy grey pj pants and Dr. Scholl slippers.)
Wow. I think that was the longest nap I have taken while writing a post. 39 minutes. Readers, how long are your naps during my posts??
Well, there went another 7 minutes.
My only real concern as I sign off tonight is that I walked better when I was in the hospital. My rationale is that I was on more pain meds there and that freed my stride up a little whereas now I am in more pain and my stride is protecting itself more. Who knows, I am not a Doctor. Well, technically I am. But a Doctor of Philosophy does jack for me in times like these.
Alright, I am signing off.
So, a week ago I was tethered to a hospital bed with a morphine IV pain pump, catheter, and wound drain. I couldn't even move freely on my own, the nurses had to "log roll" me periodically throughout the night.
This is in contrast to today, where I am able to get myself out of bed with only moderate pain, move around my house with a walker, and go on a friend-assisted walk today outdoors. (Which is actually a "shuffle". People should not underestimate the hotness of my shuffle. Particularly when paired with my maximum comfy grey pj pants and Dr. Scholl slippers.)
Wow. I think that was the longest nap I have taken while writing a post. 39 minutes. Readers, how long are your naps during my posts??
Well, there went another 7 minutes.
My only real concern as I sign off tonight is that I walked better when I was in the hospital. My rationale is that I was on more pain meds there and that freed my stride up a little whereas now I am in more pain and my stride is protecting itself more. Who knows, I am not a Doctor. Well, technically I am. But a Doctor of Philosophy does jack for me in times like these.
Alright, I am signing off.
Yesterday--Day 6ish
Yesterday I found myself a little frustrated and grumpy most of the day. My mom left and went back home and my mother-in-law came. My kids are very excited to spend a couple of days with Amy (my MIL) here as it's been awhile since they've spend some quality time together. I think my frustration is coming from the use of my walker---it feels like it'll be a while before I won't need to use it. On a good note, I did get to shower (with Michael's assistance). It's a little strange to feel so vulnerable and to have Michael do so much of my own personal care (I will leave details out). On the other hand his grace, love, patience, and care is more evident in the last couple of days than any amount of flowers, fun dates, or gifts that have accumulated in our last 10 years.
Michael is gone for a couple of days to Tulsa for work and my MIL is here in his absence. I'm thankful for a supportive family network that is so helpful during these crazy times.
Michael is gone for a couple of days to Tulsa for work and my MIL is here in his absence. I'm thankful for a supportive family network that is so helpful during these crazy times.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Day 5
Many of my thoughts in my earlier post are still true this evening. I'm discouraged because I was walking better yesterday than I was today. We don't have a handrail on the stairs going into our house so I've been avoiding going outside. Perhaps I can get Michael to pretend he's a handrail :-) and get me down the stairs for a small walk. I did spend some time out on our deck this afternoon with Michael while my mom took the kids to the Mississippi River Museum. It was a beautiful afternoon and a beautiful breeze.
A run down of my agenda includes: napping, walking around my house in circles, hanging out in my living room chair, and going to the bathroom. Seems to be the same schedule I had when I was 18 months old...
Hopefully tomorrow is shower day--woo hoo! As long as my wound is not leaking anything gross than I can take a shower. I'm sure that will make me feel like a real person.
Well, I've taken 2 naps in the construction of this blog so I guess I'll sign off.
I'll leave you with a little bit of back humor, dedicated to my mom and Michael who have been putting up with my grossness and grumpiness since Tuesday:
A run down of my agenda includes: napping, walking around my house in circles, hanging out in my living room chair, and going to the bathroom. Seems to be the same schedule I had when I was 18 months old...
Hopefully tomorrow is shower day--woo hoo! As long as my wound is not leaking anything gross than I can take a shower. I'm sure that will make me feel like a real person.
Well, I've taken 2 naps in the construction of this blog so I guess I'll sign off.
I'll leave you with a little bit of back humor, dedicated to my mom and Michael who have been putting up with my grossness and grumpiness since Tuesday:
Some thoughts about progress...
Last night did not go well. Maneuvering our bed is tough. There are many Internet boards out there where people chime into what is the best sleeping position. The moral of that story is that it depends on the individual. I try to sleep on my side as long as my hips can take it, then I move to my back. Moving to my back sucks. Especially because I don't want to wake anyone up to help position my pillows.
This morning I woke up with a bad pain on the right side of my butt and my leg. This is making it difficult to get around in my walker this a.m.
Between that and constipation I feel like I took two steps forward and one step back. Remember, I am writing this in hopes that it would help someone else who is facing a fusion, so some topics may include gross things such as constipation. :-)
Well, I am too tired to write more..
This is Franken-Mom signing off.
This morning I woke up with a bad pain on the right side of my butt and my leg. This is making it difficult to get around in my walker this a.m.
Between that and constipation I feel like I took two steps forward and one step back. Remember, I am writing this in hopes that it would help someone else who is facing a fusion, so some topics may include gross things such as constipation. :-)
Well, I am too tired to write more..
This is Franken-Mom signing off.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Days 3 and 4.
Day 3:
Could have gone better. I am normally very impressed and appreciative of nurses, but I got one who made it difficult to be happy. I won't go into details because it will jut make me mad. Additionally, I don't want her behavior to paint a picture on the behalf of all of the nurses. On a positive note they were able to take the drain out of me, unhook my IV and I went on 4 walks around the surgical floor with the help of a walker.
In the afternoon we had a tornado warning so we were all moved from our rooms into the hallway. Because of the amount of narcotic pain medications pumping through our veins, we probably had the most calm floor during the room evacuation.
Later during one of my mini-naps, I woke up to the smiling face of one of my new friends from Loras. It was great to see her and she was great to go on a walk with. Michael came later with pictures and videos of preschool graduation that I missed. Another bonus was that I started to get up on my own to use the restroom.
Day 4 (today):
I got more sleep last night than the first two. It was nice to no longer be tethered to any tubes. I had a pretty hard time (still am) figuring out how to best manage my pain. I realize that I can't be pain-free, but I am still having some difficulty with comfort. I took 3walks today on the floor, ate lunch, and then prepared to be discharged. It was nice to be in my own clothes. We also got a couple of tools to help me with function and comfort at home, including a walker with wheels. By 1:00 I was discharged and being loaded in to the car.
I am all set at home, got a comfy chair, the bed isn't too punishing to get out of, and my walker maneuvers well in the house.
That's all for today. Day 4 is a weird day because I've really come a long way in the past three days....but I have many, many days ahead of me...
Could have gone better. I am normally very impressed and appreciative of nurses, but I got one who made it difficult to be happy. I won't go into details because it will jut make me mad. Additionally, I don't want her behavior to paint a picture on the behalf of all of the nurses. On a positive note they were able to take the drain out of me, unhook my IV and I went on 4 walks around the surgical floor with the help of a walker.
In the afternoon we had a tornado warning so we were all moved from our rooms into the hallway. Because of the amount of narcotic pain medications pumping through our veins, we probably had the most calm floor during the room evacuation.
Later during one of my mini-naps, I woke up to the smiling face of one of my new friends from Loras. It was great to see her and she was great to go on a walk with. Michael came later with pictures and videos of preschool graduation that I missed. Another bonus was that I started to get up on my own to use the restroom.
Day 4 (today):
I got more sleep last night than the first two. It was nice to no longer be tethered to any tubes. I had a pretty hard time (still am) figuring out how to best manage my pain. I realize that I can't be pain-free, but I am still having some difficulty with comfort. I took 3walks today on the floor, ate lunch, and then prepared to be discharged. It was nice to be in my own clothes. We also got a couple of tools to help me with function and comfort at home, including a walker with wheels. By 1:00 I was discharged and being loaded in to the car.
I am all set at home, got a comfy chair, the bed isn't too punishing to get out of, and my walker maneuvers well in the house.
That's all for today. Day 4 is a weird day because I've really come a long way in the past three days....but I have many, many days ahead of me...
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
End of Day 2
This post will be shorter. As it took3 mini-naps to fish the title. And another 4 to get this far.
- Moved from liquid diet to a soft diet.
- Took 4 short walks.
- Greeted and chatted with faculty friends and family who took shifts while Michael was at work.
- Moving around...getting in and around the bed in particular is the worse.
- Catheter came out and my friend Sara became my good luck charm. That's all I can say abou that....what happens at the hospital stays at the hospital...
Well, since this took me about an hour to complete I should sign off.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
End of Day 1
This is the first time (I think ) I have blogged from my ipad. It's also the first time I have blogged while heavily medicated. It honestly took me 10 minutes to write that because I continually doze off. Perhaps it's best if I use bullets:
- Surgery went well. It took about 4 hours.
- I had little probes all over my body to continually assess my nerve function. The screws should not be pressing on any nerves.
- For anyone going to have a fusion, expect a wound drain, catheter, and strict bed rest on day 1.
- Also, if anesthesia makes you sick or other pain meds, don't be afraid to ask for a motion sickness patch for behind your ears. It makes a world of difference.
Well, I took about 10 mini naps, no joke, to get this written, so I should just sign off.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Checking in tomorrow!!
Tomorrow we're checking into the hospital at 5 a.m. I've been busy getting ready to go in--it seems like each time I've been in the hospital (4 babies and 2 back surgeries = 6 hospital stays, tomorrow makes lucky # 7...) I tend to lose time. I feel like I've entered another world where work, parenting, bills...all responsibilities feel distant to me. So, I've tried to make sure I've paid some essential bills, left detailed notes for my mom and Michael about the schedule for the kids this week, submitted my final grades for the semester, and set my email to reply for "out of office".
We also got a new piece of furniture in the house for recovery! My parents gifted me an awesome supportive chair that will help me have good posture with my back brace while having some sense of comfort. It looks super cute in our living room and looks great with my couch (bonus). I've been told that I will be spending the coming weeks--up to probably 3 months, primarily walking, sitting upright for no more than 20 minutes, or lying down.
For the last surgery I had a surge of "nesting" where I cleaned everything in site before I went into the hospital. That didn't happen this time. Probably because Michael has had to do so much over the course of the last 5 months that I don't feel as panicked, I know that he'll continue to pull through for me as he has been. Plus it's really hard on my back when I bend and so basically the things that I can clean well are things that are at arm-reach level. That is about 5% of what actually needs cleaned in the house it seems......Good thing I have four little people this summer that I can get to help me more. I've got to let go of my own standard of cleanliness in order to let them help me....that's the hard part. And I probably don't have that high of a standard compared to the norm....
Tonight I'll try to go to bed by 9. Michael and I will wake up at 4 and head out by 4:40. I'm pretty sure I need to be fasting, I guess it'd be smart of me to figure out the time that's supposed to start....
I also have to do this whole-body wipe down with this sticky substance that tends to burn my sensitive skin. It's worth it if it minimizes the chance for infection.
To be honest I feel a weird sense of dread and doom about tomorrow. Which I realize is ridiculous. I do trust that I'm in God's care and hands, but I can't stop the little voice in the back of my head that wants me to be worried and a bit anxious about tomorrow's outcome.
My parents are here to help and so that's awesome. My dad is here until Wednesday and my mom is here until Sunday, at which point my mother-in-law will come for a few days and then my best friend from college for a few days. I'm so glad that we have people in our lives willing to come and stay and support our family. We're definitely surrounded by love.
Well, that's all for now. The next time I blog will have titanium in me. I'm guessing these rods and screws will somehow give me super powers and I will most likely be a Marvel Superhero. So, just be prepared for that.
We also got a new piece of furniture in the house for recovery! My parents gifted me an awesome supportive chair that will help me have good posture with my back brace while having some sense of comfort. It looks super cute in our living room and looks great with my couch (bonus). I've been told that I will be spending the coming weeks--up to probably 3 months, primarily walking, sitting upright for no more than 20 minutes, or lying down.
For the last surgery I had a surge of "nesting" where I cleaned everything in site before I went into the hospital. That didn't happen this time. Probably because Michael has had to do so much over the course of the last 5 months that I don't feel as panicked, I know that he'll continue to pull through for me as he has been. Plus it's really hard on my back when I bend and so basically the things that I can clean well are things that are at arm-reach level. That is about 5% of what actually needs cleaned in the house it seems......Good thing I have four little people this summer that I can get to help me more. I've got to let go of my own standard of cleanliness in order to let them help me....that's the hard part. And I probably don't have that high of a standard compared to the norm....
Tonight I'll try to go to bed by 9. Michael and I will wake up at 4 and head out by 4:40. I'm pretty sure I need to be fasting, I guess it'd be smart of me to figure out the time that's supposed to start....
I also have to do this whole-body wipe down with this sticky substance that tends to burn my sensitive skin. It's worth it if it minimizes the chance for infection.
To be honest I feel a weird sense of dread and doom about tomorrow. Which I realize is ridiculous. I do trust that I'm in God's care and hands, but I can't stop the little voice in the back of my head that wants me to be worried and a bit anxious about tomorrow's outcome.
My parents are here to help and so that's awesome. My dad is here until Wednesday and my mom is here until Sunday, at which point my mother-in-law will come for a few days and then my best friend from college for a few days. I'm so glad that we have people in our lives willing to come and stay and support our family. We're definitely surrounded by love.
Well, that's all for now. The next time I blog will have titanium in me. I'm guessing these rods and screws will somehow give me super powers and I will most likely be a Marvel Superhero. So, just be prepared for that.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Starting this Blog....
I am, by nature, an information seeker. When faced with a life-altering issue I tend to dive myself into the Google world and try to find any scrap of information that can help me understand the issue more. When we were new parents to our second oldest who was born with a muscle and chromosome disorder, we were told by some service providers to not search the internet for information, it would just overwhelm us. But I think the best advice we got was from our geneticist. Upon delivering the news that he had narrowed down Noah's diagnosis, he told us to Google...to search for information. He seemed to understand that in a world where we have no control over these big issues...that the comfort in controlling a keyboard for a small time was important to parents. He did advise us to be cautious---to understand that when we Google his diagnosis to expect a laundry list...a cumulative list of every possible symptom or scenario and to realize that only a fraction of the ocean of information would actually apply to our child. But by all means, we should educate ourselves.
I find myself back in that search mode again as I deal with an upcoming spinal fusion surgery (TLIF). I'm googling, reading medical journal articles (fascinated that I am becoming a more savvy at understanding those articles), lurking on health boards, etc. And again, I am faced with an ocean of information. What seems to be the most helpful and encouraging are the blogs that help tell a more contextual story of the patient's recovery. They tend to weave the good and the bad together to paint a more realistic, but hopeful, picture.
There really aren't any blogs out there that I've been able to find with same demographic as me...particularly being young (yes, young :-) and female. So, I've decided to start this blog, in the event that a few years down the road someone like me will be googling, looking for information, ideas, and comfort. And maybe this blog can help just one person get through some of this rough stuff. And perhaps for myself...maybe a year from now I can look back at this and think..."Hey, that was me...I did that!".
So, I should start off with a brief introduction.
Who I am....
I am a 34-year old woman from the Mid-West. I am a wife and mom of 4 young children, my oldest is 8 and my youngest is 3. I am, indeed, overweight. But my 5 year old told me just this morning that I am not a "Large Mommy", so I guess I have that going for me. I want to be more active than I am but my chronic pain has truly been a barrier that I have not been able to overcome. I am a professor at a small Liberal Arts College, which allows for a great balance of sitting, standing, and walking. I am thankful that I am not in a job where I have to sit all day, I know my back could not handle it. I am also thankful that my job has me on a 9-month contract for the year, making me available for both surgery and recovery this year. I am also a Christian who believes that even though crappy things happen to good people that I can use my story to help or encourage others, even in the most minor of ways. I believe that my story is not my own, but also God's and that it is somehow significant or useful beyond the walls of my own home.
Background of my Spine Health...
It's hard for me to remember how long it's been since I first started having issues....I think it really all began in August of 2010. I sat most of the summer of 2010 studying for my preliminary exams, a requirement for the Ph.D. program I was in. By the end of the summer, I could feel water dripping on my right foot as I was studying. Much to my surprise, there was no water dripping. That was the beginning of the nerve involvement. Pain began a little later that fall, I had an x-ray done and found out that later on that the x-ray showed degenerative disc disease and spinal stenosis in my lowest two discs. Not an uncommon finding in general, but it was uncommon given my age. Eventually that pain resolved.
Fast forward to June of 2011. I was as healthy and active as I had ever been. I ran my first 5K with my college best friend. A month later, I packed our house to prepare us for a move across town. The very last thing I packed was our shower curtain. I looped all of the rings together on a single ring. As snapped the ring together to hold the bunch I felt and swore I heard a small rip in my lower back. For some reason I just knew that I was done for.
The following months were marked with a lot of physical therapy by an amazing physical therapist, steroid injections, and all kinds of anti-inflammatory and pain medications. It just wasn't working. The pain my right leg, as well as the numbness and tingling were too much. I was not sleeping at night and the pain was unbearable. That led me to my first disectomy surgery on
L5-S1 in October of 2011.
I was amazed with the initial results of the surgery. No numbness, no tingling, no pre-surgery pain, just post-surgery discomfort and recovery. Then something happened. A turn for the worse. Not sure what happened but I knew something was wrong. A follow-up MRI done in January of 2012 showed what I fearful of---a re-herniation. Through ibuprofen and gentle activity I was able to handle and cope with the pain, even make it through yet another move, until the following late-fall. And then it became unbearable again. This time the symptoms include INSANE muscle-wrenching spasms in my right leg. I quickly found myself having my 2nd disectomy on L5-S1 in January of 2013.
Four weeks post surgery (Mid-February) I did it again while simply paper-punching some papers with a 3-hole punch. It was clear that the degenerative disc disease and stenosis was dictating my spine health. Weeks continued to pass and symptoms were worse and worse. I am actually in worse shape now than I was prior to surgery #2.
After another MRI, several visits to my surgeon, and a discogram to get a handle on what exactly is going on with my lower back, we've come to the point where the next answer to all of this is a spinal fusion of L4-L5 and L5-S1. It's a TLIF. I'll be going into the hospital in just a few days. I will blog again before the surgery to talk more about how I've prepared and plan to blog in the following several weeks.
I hope that this blog can help at least one person as they Google for stories at 2 a.m. I hope that I can bring a message that is both realistic and encouraging.
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